I’ve had this nightshirt for a couple years now. This morning, while brushing my teeth, I was looking at my T-shirt in the mirror and, for the first time, really thought about it past the cute, funny message.
The Chaos of Seasonal Shifts
Let me take a step back with this disclaimer of sorts. It is the beginning of October as I write this, and also the beginning of the new fall season. As wonderful as the weather has been here in New Jersey, it still is a shift and somewhat chaotic, not only in our schedules and mindsets, but also in nature. Changes of seasons are often chaotic, especially the equinoxes. And many of us feel it mentally, emotionally, and physically. I find myself more distracted in this shift, constantly having to refocus myself to get things accomplished.
Living in a Culture of Exhaustion
All that said, many, many people, regardless of gender, are perpetually tired. I don’t need to list the reasons (there are too many); however, I’m going to put this out there that most of them are under our control. Yet, we live like this, by choice, really.
“She Believed She Could…”
Back to my nightshirt. “She believed she could, but she was really tired, so she didn’t.” Here’s where I ask the question that I want you, the reader, who may be really tired, to ask yourself: What do/did you believe you could do, but haven’t? What dream, desire, drive did you once have that fizzled away because you just didn’t have the energy/bandwidth/vitality to do it?
I had a college friend, who I will change the name of here just in case. Lynn and I met at freshman orientation and became quick friends. She was different, and I was attracted to that. Lynn didn’t follow trends, and didn’t care what people thought about her spiked hair with long braids randomly spaced around her head. She was “grunge” before grunge became the style. And, she was an artist. She could draw beautifully. Pencil was her medium, and if I didn’t know better, I’d think her drawings were photographs. She also wrote poems. Often, the poems would go along with the drawings. Her creativity was inspiring.
We lost touch after college, as we do, until Facebook became a thing. I looked her up, having very little faith that a girl, now woman like her would even be on Facebook. I suppose, in a way, I was hoping I wouldn’t find her there. But, I did. If her “about” info didn’t give her away, I would have never believed it was her. She looked so ordinary, and by looking at some of her photos and posts, I saw that she WAS kinda ordinary. Married with a couple kids, going on vacation to Disney, having themed birthday parties for her children . . . Let me interrupt here to say that I’m not judging this way of life. It’s actually similar to mine in many ways. But I imagined Lynn’s life to be very different. Artsy and edgy and creative and NOT ordinary at all.
I messaged her, and though it took a few weeks, I got a friendly message back. We went back and forth sharing details of our lives. I asked her if she was still drawing and writing poetry. She wasn’t. She was too busy and way too tired to be creative anymore. My heart sank. She had been so passionate about about life and the world and what was going on in it, so much that she put aside her schoolwork for her poetry and drawing many times, getting lower grades than I know she could have if she was focused on academics.
But life happened, and it’s tiring.
What Have You Put Aside?
Not all of us have extraordinary talents like Lynn, but I would guess most of you who are reading this right now have SOMETHING you used to do or always wanted to do and just never did because it’s big and you don’t have enough vavavoom to pick it up and go with it. If anything, you made it this far in my blog and I want to ask you to simply just think about that thing. Think about it for more than a few minutes. Maybe, if you are prone to, journal about it. Consider it again. What would it take for you to begin? Just pondering it is a step and maybe you aren’t as interested in it anymore. So, what are you interested in now that you’ve not seriously considered because you’re just too tired? And what would make you not so tired? Maybe less sugar, 15 minutes more of sleep, a quick daily brisk walk, and/or a connection with someone who you really dig.
Your Daily Choice
That’s the choice. We have a finite time on this Earth as humans and we have choices every day that can make it better or worse. We forget about that choice.
Here’s your reminder.
Tonight, instead of watching a show or scrolling, jot one line or take a few quiet minutes to meditate about what you’d like to bring (back) into your life that could awaken a part of you that used to be too tired. In the meantime, I’m going to reach out to Lynn again—maybe give her a nudge to pick up her pencil and see what happens.
