I’ve been playing tennis since I was a kid.
I’ve taken many lessons, been in many leagues, participate in regular clinics, all to get better and be at a level that allows me to compete and have fun. And I have a lot of fun.
My husband took a few tennis lessons as a kid and as a middle-aged adult plays occasionally here and there, mostly with our son and me.
This summer, we started playing together once a week or so. He was finally feeling 100% after having shoulder surgery last fall. The first time we played, we barely finished a set because he was so out of shape after giving up his workouts when sheltering at home for COVID. We exchanged games back and forth until he finally won 6-4. I won’t go into detail for the next several times we played except to say, he got better each time we played. And I didn’t.
The last time we played, he spotted me three games as a handicap and went on to win the two sets 6-3, 6-0. Needless to say, I was frustrated. And mad.
After all, I’m a Tennis Player. He is not. What he is, though, is very athletic. And though I also consider myself athletic, he is much more. Of course, he’s also a man, which makes him stronger and faster anyway.
That last match we played made me so angry that I kept thinking about how he got better each time and will continue to get better, while I am already playing the best tennis I have ever played. Of course, I probably could get a little better, but at what cost? I’d have to play a lot more (and I’m already playing quite a bit). And to what end? Just to compete with my husband? I have tens of friends to play with now. If I got that much better, I would outplay them, and that wouldn’t be fun.
What’s my point?
It’s useless to compare ourselves with others. We are different. And that’s beautiful.
There are people who gain weight easily, who, no matter what, can’t seem to lose it. There are people who eat whatever they want and barely move and stay thin. There are people who are not happy with their weight, do something about it, and lose a bunch with effort. And then there are people who are not happy with their weight, do something about it, and lose a couple pounds with the equal amount of effort.
There are people who can eat bagels, pasta, cheese, eggs, and peanuts and feel fine. There are people who are sensitive or allergic to so many foods, their diet is extremely restricted. There are those that put their head on the pillow at night and wake the next morning with no interruptions or discomforts. And there are those that avoid caffeine, screens before bed, take herbal remedies, use a sleep mask, and still wake up during the night or have trouble going to sleep.
I could go on.
I think you get it. And you probably already knew it. We are all so different. But we still compare. And we still will do what SHE is doing because it worked for her. I’m all for experimenting and trying out new routines and habits in a quest to look, feel and perform better. I just don’t want us to compare. Whether we do it and make ourselves feel badly or do it and make ourselves feel superior, it doesn’t serve us well.
We can only do the best we can within our abilities and desires. We need to learn to be happy with being the best version of ourselves. That’s all we’ve got. And that’s enough.
The score of our next tennis match may show that my husband won handily and probably easily, and I will appreciate his athleticism and congratulate him on his win. For me, I will play point by point and celebrate those that were good points and be curious about those that weren’t and try something different next time. In the end, I will also have won at not comparing the incomparable and doing the best I can. That’s all I’ve got. And it’s enough.
