How to Create Resolutions (or Intentions if that word makes you squirm)
Get better at setting resolutions so they don’t mess you up
Did you pick something to concentrate on this new year – something you want to upgrade, change, do, or not do?
Question for you: When you say this resolution out loud, how does it feel?
After years of making annual commitments to myself and breaking them, I wanted to learn more about the idea behind sticking with habits. One thing resonates strongly: The subtle intention behind the resolution makes it work or not.
Most resolutions fail because they are created on the basis of not being something ~ not good enough, not the right weight, not successful enough. If there is any thread of shame behind the idea that’s driving you to change, dig deeper. When resolutions sprout from this sense that we are broken, inadequate or flawed, it’s more disheartening than motivating. In fact, science says it’s deeply un-motivating when you believe that ‘happiness will happen when I get this thing – the right partner, the lost weight, the finished project, the better job, the bigger house, the fancier car. We pledge to change ourselves to fit this new mold. The trouble is, they are all based on not enough. It’s underlying energy says that where you are right now isn’t ok.
It’s not that these things we want are wrong or right.
It’s that they are exhausting. And demoralizing.
Your happiness does not depend on reaching this or that. Your happiness is right here right now in this very moment of reading these words – or can be, if you so choose.
Let’s be clear:
- You are not broken.
- You are already good enough.
- Whatever it is that lights you up, is already a part of you.
How refreshing!
What I am proposing is that you commit to something that is centered on love and appreciation and also comes from your core values. From that place, you can build some brave plans and make some new choices.
Let’s dig deeper.
This idea comes from the yoga tradition called sankulpa (resolve). Wikipedia definition says: ‘an intention formed by the heart and mind – a solemn vow, determination or will. A one-pointed resolve to focus both psychologically and philosophically on a specific goal.’ Sounds like resolutions.
If you come into this new year with feelings of lack and the idea that you have to solve a problem, you will stay in this poor energy.
If you come into this new year stating who you are already and what you value, you will show up as that energy.
Let’s dive into this sankulpa way.
San = connection with your highest truth
Kulpa = vow, commitment, the rule to be followed above all other rules
Sankulpa honors the deeper meaning of your life. It guides your choices and keeps you grounded in your truest nature.
I’ll take that energy any day over feeling like a victim in my own skin!
How do you find your sankulpa?
Silence. You won’t find it out there. It is already inside you. You will find it when you get quiet and listen. When you drop from your mind into your heart. If you aren’t already familiar with being quiet or sitting in silence, start with one minute. It is one way to show up for yourself in this next year. Apps like Insight Timer and Ten Percent are incredible tools for starting.
Write it. When you write your sankulpa, write as if it is evolving or as if it is already complete. It is not a wish or a desire or a place to get to. You already are. It’s not about something you want to do or to quit (though it can start there and develop). It’s about a way you are becoming.
Examples:
I want to get rid of anxiety. VS Peace is my true nature.
I want to lose weight. VS My body is becoming stronger and more resilient.
Keep asking questions. You can start with something that scratches the surface, something I listed above (fitness, weight, job, project…). Don’t leave it at that. Dive deeper into what is behind your idea/goal/mission.
- What will this satisfy beyond your ego?
- How does that feel like in your body and what emotions get stirred?
- Can you describe the desire behind the intention?
- What will it mean in your life to have this happen?
Writing helps you dive deeper. Write a sentence, then ask: What’s that mean? Answer that, and ask: What’s that mean? again. And so on. Keep going until you really feel like you hit the core.
How do you stay connected to your resolutions?
Practice.
Life is messy.
Life is a road of up and down, twists and turns and unexpected. Missteps aren’t failures. It means you were moving away from your truest way and learning about yourself. Get curious and be compassionate about what didn’t happen as you expected. Compassionate practice is a warm energy and we could all use a little more of that.
Reflection.
As we often say at Nourish Coaches: Every choice you make either nourishes you or depletes you in some way. It’s all data – not good or bad. Look at the facts. How are you strengthening or undermining your sankulpa?
Set up systems to reconnect daily with your sankulpa.
At the beginning of your day, feel how you are meant to be: peaceful, strong, creative, courageous. Sit with that feeling, bask in it. In what way will your day be like this?
At the end of your day, first, sit in deep gratitude for what went well. Give yourself a high-five for showing up. Next, witness the lessons of not being in alignment. Replay the way your truest self would have shown up. ‘Surf back and forth’ between what triggers you and your sankulpa, it will strengthen your resolve. Doing this allows you to go to bed in a way that shakes out the icky energy and honors the lesson.
Ready to reframe your resolutions for this new year?
Being a Health Coach is one of the greatest honors. We work WITH you to explore these questions on how to show up as your best self. Want to connect? Join our free 7 Day Wellness Challenge here OR Jump on a free 30-minute call with us to talk about the best way to work together.
The inspiration for this post is from an article by Kelly McGonigal in Yoga International.
It you need additional writing prompts, read this (no matter what time of year it is, these work).
by Wendy Bright-Fallon
