It seems simple and obvious, but we don’t usually think about it. Or, maybe we do, but not deeply enough to make a difference.
Choice.
We go about our days doing all sorts of things, mostly out of habit. Think about all that you do on a typical Monday from the moment you wake up until bedtime. How many of those things do you do every day? How many of them do you actually really think about?
I was in a session with a client recently who was telling me about how she binges on cookies after a stressful meeting at work. These meetings happen regularly, and they are stressful often. So, the cookies or brownies or whatever sugary item is available happens as a response. I asked her about her thought process. She told me it was simple: feel stress, grab sugar. I asked her what it did for her. She told me it made her feel better, at least temporarily, until she felt badly for having eaten it when she’s trying to lose some weight. And then the frustration of not doing the things she knows to do (or not do) in order to move forward.
I told her that she was right. It DID make her feel better. The moment she thought about it, her brain released dopamine. The moment she tasted it, she got a shot of serotonin. These hormones, literally, make us feel good. Which is one of the reasons why sugar is so addictive.
It’s not our way, as coaches, to tell our clients what to do. We ask questions and, with permission, sometimes give suggestions. I asked her what behavior she’d like to have instead. She said, “to not have the cookies.” I asked her how that would feel in the moment of stress when she’s so used to grabbing them. She said it would probably stress her more, feeling like she couldn’t have it. I agreed. No one likes being deprived, especially when we are under stress or not feeling great.
I asked her how it would feel to have a little bit. She said she had tried that and it didn’t work. She isn’t a “little bit” kind of person. I told her that sounded like a story and I asked her if it was really true. She wasn’t sure. I asked her how it would feel if she consciously chose to have a little bit. I explained that she has the CHOICE to have a little bit and that she could savor it by eating it slowly and paying close attention to its texture and flavors, really appreciating it. She could CHOOSE to do this and then CHOOSE to not have more or to have more. No one was telling her she could or couldn’t. She was in charge.
So simple, right?
Perhaps you’re thinking there’s no way that would work for you. Are you willing to try? To take a pause from your usual behavior—your habitual behavior– and make a conscious choice?
If we are lucky, we are adults for far longer than we are children, yet we often feel like “someone” is guiding us to do or not do things. That we are “allowed” to do something or not. We forget that WE are our own authorities, and we make the choices. Every day. Many times.
So, what are you going to choose to do or not do today?
