Three Steps to practice making nourishing choices.
There are some ideas that stick with me – a good sticky – like how peanut butter and honey are sticky and go together perfectly. The idea I want to share is often attributed to renowned Austrian psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl or by Steven Covey – both of whom say it is not their original quote.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Let’s dive in.
‘Stimulus’ can be any number of things from conversations, situations, feelings, emotions, places, people, things, memories.
And our ‘responses:’ On the icky side, it could be our nasty response to rude drivers, or the news, or how we eat through our feelings. On the lighter side, it could be our joy-filled response to hearing a new piece of music, or the view of a sunrise or sunset.
Here is a personal example I’ve been working on.
I’ve done a fair amount of commuting in my life. In response to the driver’s dangerous behavior, my heart rate rises rapidly, a hand shoots up in alarm, or profanity slips from my tongue in disgust. Over time, I’ve recognized how this behavior sticks with me, zaps my attention, or puts me in a frenzied mood.
I’ve been paying attention and slowly shifting my response. Though my heart rate still flutters, it happens less often because I no longer feel a need to respond at all. I have zero control over their behavior, only my own. Because I’m more aware of my previous behavior, I move out of the way sooner, I slow down, I shift my attention to the colors of the sky. I quite literally shift my attention. I am responsible for my energetic response and their behavior does not need to stick to me.
When it comes to patterns with our food choices, it could be that you are eating your way through situations. You are suddenly an empty-nester and at 3:30 when the kids would normally come home from school, you find yourself eating a bag of chips. Or you are recently retired and you find yourself grazing all day long. The lack of structure and extra time has you filling time in the kitchen. Or you are out with friends and everyone is drinking so you order something too. In each one of these situations, there is a stimulus, a decision, and then a response.
We so often respond to situations without thinking, without understanding, without a pause.
What happens over time is that these responses become habits. And if the habits aren’t of service for your higher good, we literally decline in health and happiness.
You might start setting a reminder on your phone to go for a walk at 3:30, start adding structure back into your days, or create a new ritual when you are out with friends.
As health coaches, we not only help clients recognize these patterns but also find new ways of nourishment.
Three Steps to practice making nourishing choices.
Step 1: Recognize the stimulus.
(The driver that dangerously cuts me off). Reflect on the stimulus – perhaps by writing down what’s triggering you. Clearly identify the pattern to discover, uncover and understand the stimulus.
Step 2: The pause.
(Oh, that person cut me off and I feel angry and upset and defensive. I’ve started creating stories about the people driving. They are in a rush to get to the hospital for a loved one.) This can be the most difficult part because we’ve essentially trained a behavior. This is where the practice of witness comes in. Sitting with the stimulus can be uncomfortable because much of the time we are at the height of emotion. This is where the choice is born to pivot.
Step 3: New Response.
How could I respond differently? (I’ll get out of their way and not take the encounter personally.) This is where your choices shape your life. Another poignant quote from Viktor Frankl’s book A Man’s Search for Meaning.
“Everything can be taken from a person but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
I invite you to think about a stimulus and response situation you would like to change and run through the steps above.
As we practice this pause of awareness and choice – our personal growth and our freedom expands. We get out of the patterns and ruts that are keeping us stuck.
And that idea of expanding is deliciously sticky.
by Wendy Bright-Fallon
